That's right!!! Mr. Dr. Lil' Weezy F. Fireman Carter Make-It-Rain-On-Dem-Hos Wayne himself!
Here's what I thought of Tha Carter III
Before we begin, I did honestly try to go into listening to the album with an unbiased view of Weezy...
... and right off the bat the bias was kicked right back into place.
Sometimes, I'm not sure how Wayne's lyrics come off to other people as real lyrics. I continuously see reviews of his shit where people describe him as "surreal" and chalk it up to that. "Surrealism" isn't necessarily compatible with being completely and utterly fucking nonsensical. Wayne is not a surrealist. Don't get it twisted, he's not a verbal Dali. He's someone who tries to sound deep by starting Tha Carter III with something like "they couldn't stop me, even if they stopped me" to fool you into thinking there's some strange esoteric meaning behind it, when really, there's not. He just doesn't understand that not every ironic phrase is cool, and not every phrase that comes out of his mouth is on the level of some "what's the sound of one hand clapping?" shit.
Generally, the album is full of Wayne's unfocused, banal rambling that happens to sometimes, kind of rhyme; self-serving metaphors; and, as always, money. His albums continuously feel like mixtapes, because he prides himself on doing one take of a song that hasn't been written or rehearsed, and it shows. Everything he does is a freestyle, and that's admirable, but lacking in quality, especially when he frequently gets offbeat and meanders, sometimes stumbling on words in his final product.
Frequently on the album, Wayne comes off as lazy, which (if I can say one thing about the man) he isn't fucking lazy. Also, quite often, a song is ruined by one thing or another that, if considered for even a second, is a glaring issue (for instance "Got Money" has a chorus that seems to be a guidebook for getting robbed in the parking lot; or that "A Milli" has one of the most god-awful fucking annoying beats ever). Speaking of "Got Money"... the beat is conspicuously similar to "Cyclone" by Baby Bash and T-Pain.
Surprisingly, and to prove I came into this trying to be as unbiased as possible, I'll say some good things about the album. It ended.
...
...
...
Just kidding, I actually have some good things to say about it.
Swizz Beatz comes in on production for "Dr. Carter" and stretches himself quite a bit with a completely different style than I'm used to from him. Also, strangely enough, the beat isn't the only high point on this song. Wayne sounds focused and halfway decent on this track too.
And honestly, without Robin "I wish I was Justin Timberlake" Thicke on "Tie My Hands," I'd probably keep the song somewhere hidden on my iPod.
The final track on the album, "DontGetIt" is actually pretty good... but the majority of it is him talking about mandatory sentencing laws, the cost of jail versus college for the state, sex offenders, and Al Sharpton. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if he just spoke on records, I'd be more inclined to like him. Essentially, the ramble poses some questions that have been tread on before, some less so than others, but ultimately it's nice to hear him speak semi-intelligently on an issue or two... especially when it's ten straight minutes.
Best Tracks: "Dr. Carter," "Phone Home," "Tie My Hands," "Shoot Me Down," "Playing With Fire," and "DontGetIt"
Pros: - Quite a few songs have interesting, if not good, beats. - Wayne seems to be more focused more frequently on this album, ranging his subject matter to beyond himself and his bankroll. - Sometimes he uses his quirks that I detest for good. On "Playing With Fire" he has the lines "They say you're nobody 'til somebody kills you/Well, where I'm from you're nobody 'till you kill somebody" while lowering is voice to a more sinister tone, which made the line. Nice delivery, Mr. Wayne.
Cons: - He has the audacity to compare himself to MLK and Hitler at various points in the album. - Sometimes Wayne's tracks tend to degenerate into cacophonous noise with him talking over himself rapping over himself singing over a beat. - Most tracks are, as I've said, done in one take vocally. Most of the time, it shows. Ed Wood did things in one take too, it doesn't make you good.
The boss has returned, still flyer than a bizzrd...
From the get-go, you can tell this is another on the mark album from the Doggfather himself. As always, he doesn't rely on the formulas of now to sell records, but incorporates everything that has become a hit as of late to his own West Coast G-Funk style. This is easily one of the most R&B heavy albums Snoop has released, (without crossing that border to rap & B). Most of his R&B styling this time is based around a retro feel, which, if you've heard or seen "Sexual Eruption" you'll know that.
As usual with someone of Snoop's stature, a lot of the album has to do with carefree partying, money and other things that don't seem nearly as sincere coming out of people that aren't at the level that those like Snoop and Jay-Z are at. But, another usual aspect of Snoop's albums is his overall honesty as well as slight introspection. On "Neva Have 2 Worry" Snoop takes us through a retrospective of his career, opening up with 1992 and calmly leading us by the hand to 2008. Through this particular track, his vocals are the center of the track and he utilizes the beat as nothing more than a backdrop for the story. On the very next track, "Sexual Eruption," the vocals melt into the retro-styled beat.
But, don't let the lead single fool you, not the entire album is retro sounding. Tracks like "Life of da Party" feature hyphy superstars Mistah F.A.B. and Too $hort and show that Snoop can roll with the times, seamlessly. Not only does Snoop roll into the realm of hyphy, a relatively new style, he collaborates with country-rap godfather, Everlast on "My Medicine".
The biggest problem with the album is the frequency of half-cocked tracks that just become filler to get to the hour mark.
Best Tracks:
Pros: - Snoop's versatility is incredible on the album. - The guests are all used amazingly, though there are a lot of them. - Nice smattering of single tracks versus album tracks.
Cons: - Tons of filler tracks. - Some beats sound like throwaways, or at least unfinished. - Too much of a good thing (the old school R&B feel).
The only other time I’ve heard Lil’ Scrappy’s name was when Lil’ Jon screamed it out before "Head Bussa" in 2003. So I’m really curious about how this album will turn out.
Don’t let the introduction fool you, Lil’ Scrappy doesn’t talk incoherently and with no direction throughout the entire album, we’ll save that for Lil’ Wayne on Tha Carter III. No, Lil’ Scrappy fumbles through a kind of mediocrity that will surely have him fading into obscurity soon, (if not already), and someone that could not only have club hits, but good, grimy, street shit if he put his mind to it.
About halfway through the album comes the overtly misogynistic “Fo Sho” which is a ballad to hating women. The piano and beat, by anyone else, would have been an attempt to disprove the particular rapper’s obvious misogyny throughout the remainder of their albums. Not Lil’ Scrappy! He is, at very least, consistent. He tells women to “give me head with no conversation” and calls her ability to swallow cum “determination”. I don't know exactly what noun I'd use to describe the ability to swallow cum, but "determination" shows up really late on the list around "perspicaciousness" and "telepathy".
Another little faux pas on the album is the horn blast every four beats on “You Trippin’” that are really reminiscent of the 1960’s Batman shows. A measure goes by and suddenly all I can see is comic-book bubbles with “ZAP!” “BOW!” “PUMMEL!” and “JAB!” If it weren’t for that association, the track may have been pretty good, beat-wise... or possibly quite boring. I can't honestly tell because I'm too busy picturing Adam West lament that some days "you just can't get rid of a bomb".
The showcase, as I stated before, wasn’t all bad. Scrappy’s flow was usually on-point and he switched styles well enough to have some legitimate potential on that front. The beats were passable, but honestly lacking in some areas. In those cases it should have been Scrappy’s job to fill that void. Usually, this objective was failed or passed only for a short time.
With all this talk of “potential,” you’d think that this was Lil’ Scrappy’s debut album. Unfortunately for him, me, and the score, it’s not. With all these glimmers of hope, I have to remember that he’s been around already for five years and it’s probably all downhill from here.
Best Tracks: “The A,” “The World Is Mine,” “All Hunid’s,” “Throwin’ Up Dat”
Pros: - Decent beats. - A few possible club tracks, (made possible solely by the beats). - Scrappy has a good Southern flow.
Cons: - Treads subject matter that has worn old in ways that have worn old. - Sounds amateurish for his 5th year in the game. - The album, as a whole, doesn’t stand through a listen.
That awkward look on his face and tweaking of his jaw is your first hint...
I spent a few minutes wondering where I remember the name Shawty Lo from, so I looked him up on wikipedia, because I’m a busy, busy man. He was in D4L. They released “Laffy Taffy”. Interestingly enough, he was locked up during that, so he has made exactly… fuckall in his career.
This is one of those albums that you know is going to be bad, you’re here to read how bad.
Straight off the starting line I was bored by this. The beat for “100,000” is set up for a run of about a minute, not 3:41. I mean, I appreciate that he went against the shitty-rap-intro grain, but instead of giving me something in that, he gave me a really long shitty rap intro. As this is my first time listening to this album, I’m worried by the title. Most rappers talk about millions… am I to believe that he’s not even good enough to pretend millions of dollars?
Oh… this should be a fun journey.
The club banger, (I use that term lightly for this song), “Dey Know” is the second track on the album. Listening to it outside of the context of not-really-listening-to-it, the production sounds like second-rate production from a third-rate producer’s bastard child.
The remainder of the album is full of strange lines like “I’m yawning ‘cause I’m horny” and “Nigga say he from the west side/Goddamn, it must be two sides” (strangely enough, this is on a song talking about how he’s done everything and been everywhere). The fact that they were said in Shawty Lo’s constantly strained voice, (like a great-grandfather without glasses reading fine print out loud as a bedtime story), made annoyances out of lines that would have just been hilarious.
You’ve seen movies where they hammer bamboo chutes under a prisoner’s fingernails as torture, right? They don’t just, KA-BLAM, hammer it all the way in, do they? They tap it slowly, millimeter by millimeter, so it hurts more. That’s what it feels like when Shawty Lo stretches out his words at the end of each and EVERY FUCKING LINE ON THIS ALBUM! I don’t know if he’s learned how to emphasize yet.
Shawty Lo is probably, quite literally, retarded. I don’t mean retarded, stupid. I mean literally, short-bus, fucking retarded. I’m glad you asked why I say that. With songs like “Dunn Dunn” which has a chorus that repeats, in part: “Dunn, dunn, duh, duh, dunn, done it all,” you have to at least consider the possibility.
As far as the beats went, I found my mind wandering between two questions. The first question was “How many Ataris did they have to use to get that beat?” the second was “They got Terri Schiavo on production?!” (the only logical explanation I could find for the coma-inducing, changeless, mundane, pedestrian, boring, mind-numbing beats).
I honestly can't be totally negative about the album. Other than the music, it was pretty good.
Best Tracks: “100,000,” “Live My Life,” “Got Em 4 The Lo”
Pros: - At least he kind of knows what a rhyme is... maybe. A for effort. - The mixing is terrible. This wouldn’t usually be a good thing, but the beat usually is mixed well over Shawty Lo’s vocals. - I usually have three things under “pro”… here’s one.
Cons: - Stole Soulja Boy’s flow on “Let’s Get It” - I think it might be worse than souljaboytellem.com. - The album exists.
First of all, I’ve gotta say that I may rate this album low because she’s dated Lil’ Wayne. It’s a judgment call about personal integrity that I may just have to make. That being said…
The beats are a step or two above Beats By The Pound’s (from No Limit), but that doesn’t necessarily make them good. All of them are boring… all of them are boring. Let me say that one more time: B-O-R-I-N-G.
The singing rap & B shit is something I’ve never felt, and Trina has it in spades. So if you’re into corny sounding lines sung by someone who is marginal at best, this album is for YOU! :-D
She told Billboard.com that she “put 150% into this album” and that “I have a thousand different emotions and feelings [which… let me go to the judges… yes… “emotions” and “feelings” are what we call “synonyms”] and I show it all in this project” noting that “people can see Trina really grew up”.
Just like Trina said, the range of subject matter is incredible. The album goes from exploring how big her ass is to Trina’s drunken stupors to anger at Lil’ Wayne! The album also shows serious personal evolution and reflection and refinement, growing up from songs like “Da Baddest Bitch,” “Da Club,” and “Sexy Gurl” to “Still Da Baddest,” “I Got A Bottle,” and “Hot Commodity”.
You’d think with subject matter like this, she’d have some great beats, or at least passable, or at least ones that you could say “in the club, I’d like this”… but, let me reiterate, the beats are BORING. The best one, by far, is “I Got A Bottle” and that’s probably only because Missy Elliot is on the track and she would have bitch slapped anyone giving her a bad beat, then suffocated them in that puffy suit she wore in “The Rain”.
Honestly, I didn’t have to get too far into the album to realize why it was released on April 1st.
I think the constant irony is my favorite part of bad albums. In “Single Again” she seems quite angry that Wayne only “fell in love with my ass/King Magazine, you fell in love with my ad” but talks about her ass in at least half of her songs, the other half end up about her pussy, and sprinkled here and there are references to things like fucking “a nigga in the dump”.
Outside of the irony, she has some of the funniest lines off of any album ever. “Look Back at Me” has some of the funniest. A few lines that had me rewind were “Licky, licky, licky, licky, licky for an hour/I’ma make it rain for you, here’s a golden shower/Smell it like a flower, my pussy is a rose/Come a little closer, I wanna fuck your nose”. My best guess is that she’s trying to come off as a freak, like she was trying to do when she told the listener to smack her in the face with their cock earlier in the song, but in this particular portion of the song, she goes from hilariously gross to hilarious. I’m sure anyone that’s eaten pussy has, whether on purpose or accidentally, has had the girl fuck their nose, but it’s just something you don’t verbally say, particularly to me, who just pictures a guy with a bad head cold sneezing into a cunt.
On “Clear It Out” she just reminds me of when rappers who haven’t done shit rap about their money. She makes audacious claims like “if they talking, I’m the topic of the conversation” and “1,000 dollar shoes, European jewels, million dollar crib with a swimming pool”. Most of the song can be followed by “because of [insert Lil’ Wayne, Rick Ross, or Trick Daddy here]”. She attached herself to more famous names for a while and developed the theory that SHE is the famous one. Hmmm… really, Trina? Really?
One more track specific thing: “Phone Sexx” has two X’s because it’s not as graphic as “Look Back at Me,” and is quite dull in comparison (more rap & B nonsense). Frankly, it makes me really wish for “Ayo Technology”… or better yet “Digital Get Down” by N*Sync. Oh, and the line “sexin’ your body” has always made me laugh, and it shows up here in the hook.
Maybe she should beat up a her neighbor with a Blackberry and I’d give her a 73%.
Best Tracks: “Still Da Baddest,” “I Got A Bottle,” “Hot Commodity”
Pros: - It ends. - Any songs about disliking Lil’ Wayne, (for any reason), gets a “pro” from me. - If you have two songs about disliking Lil’ Wayne, you get two “pro” marks. Get it?
Cons: - Killer Mike drops the weakest verse I’ve seen from him… ever. - Pitbull pulls a Killer Mike. - I think I forgot to mention the beats are FUCKING BORING!
This is definitely a darker Roots album. It’s almost irrelevant to even talk about the beats in a Roots album, since you already know they’re different from every other beat out there by virtue that a lot of it is directed by ?uestlove and friends and not an 808, (I need to mention the beat to “I Can’t Help It” and say it’s basically the shit). The album, as always, has a unique fusion sound to it with Black Thought and friends coming intelligently. There’s not really much to say about this album but it deserves to be on the Billboard, and it got there.
Short-ass review. Grab the album.
Best Tracks: “Rising Down,” “Criminal,” “I Will Not Apologize,” “I Can’t Help It,” “Singing Man,” “Rising Up”
Pros: - Everybody featured on the album was amazing. And, let me just say that I’m sick of Saigon on the mixtape circuit. I can’t wait for him to drop an album. - The beats are incredible. I didn’t stop nodding my head, even during verses I wasn’t really feeling. - It’s basically an hour of good beats, even if you think all the lyricists suck. There are a few gaps here and there, but those fall where there aren’t beats (like “@ 15”).
Cons: - I have a personal qualm with not being the first emcee on your own album, but since that emcee was Mos Def, it’s less of a problem. - Some of the flows or off, even when the lyrics are spot on. - The song “Unwritten” was pretty weak.
I've always had an interesting relationship in regards to Foxy Brown. Frankly, I love hardcore rap from females. Period. But, at the same time, not many of them hold my attention for long. Let me just sum it up... if Foxy Brown were a Jay-Z album, she would be The Blueprint 2, not terrible, not good, mostly forgettable. She's no Unfinished Business, but she's not even close to being as good as Reasonable Doubt.
Honestly, the only time I've ever really WANTED to listen to her is when I heard she went deaf. I wanted to see if I could hear a clear downward progression in her albums. That's pretty fucked up, isn't it? I'm sorry.
Anyway, her newest effort Brooklyn's Don Diva sounds like she had a radio in prison and pounded 50 into her head. I know the album was recorded before her prison sentence, but it's funnier if I pretend it was afterwards, okay? She talks about Big and Pac about as much as 50 does, the difference being that Foxy KNEW them, so it's okay if she talks about them. And talk she does.
In her seven year hiatus, she hasn't really developed lyrically. She continues to talk about her tits, her ass, and fucking with hints of gangster-ism scattered throughout. Those things aren't bad, especially considering the female perspective. I'm not saying it sounds like the other club rap of late, because it doesn't. The problem is that it feels like Foxy Brown from 1997, only 11 years older. It seems like her and Lil' Kim got caught up in being "fuck me feminists" and, whether accidentally or on purpose, they both turned it into a gimmick.
Recommended Tracks: "We're On Fire", "How We Get Down", "The Quan (Hip-Hop Mix)"
Pros: - The beats aren't bad, with the notable exception of "When The Lights Go Out" which was one of the lamest beats I've heard in a minute (and I just listened to Mannie Fresh's beat on Rick Ross' album!). - Foxy's flows are still on-point, considering she didn't record a lyric for quite some time and doesn't hit the mixtape circuit or freestyle at all. - Considering her long bout with being completely stone-fucking-deaf, she didn't forget, or even slide back, in how to work syllables and sound.
Cons: - Only three tracks are solo, the rest depend on a guest. - May as well be Ill Na Na or The Firm, The Album lyrically. - Some of the tracks sound dated because of her style, and the beats.
I've been listening to hip-hop for 22 years now. That's a long fucking time. I was born the same year that Run-DMC's Raising Hell and Beastie Boys' Licensed to Ill dropped. My first albums were from my dad, they were Tone Loc's Loc-ed After Dark, MC Hammer's Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em, and Vanilla Ice's To The Extreme (forgive me for the latter two, I was only like three or four when my dad popped those in the tape deck for me).
All that being said... I'm going to review the Top Ten Rap Albums on Billboard over the next little bit, starting, of course, with number one. Rick Ross' Trilla.
Honestly, I was really excited about this album because I liked Port of Miami. As time wore on, I found myself frequently checking the time on each song, wondering when the song would end and show some of the potential, fun, and possibility I felt with Port. The fun never came. Don't get me wrong, he talked about himself having fun, he referenced things that are fun, HE seemed to be having fun... but, to be frank, I wasn't having fun.
The beats were lackadaisical and tedious, except for a few notable tracks ("We Shinin'", "This Me", and "Billionaire"). Other than that, it's hard to even describe the beats. They just sound generic, (except for Mannie Fresh's addition to the album "All I Have In This World", which just sounded like every other Mannie Fresh-produced song ever, in other words, hollow drums with the same drum fill in the same place).
Speaking of Mannie-fucking-Fresh: aside from Birdman, he is the most predictable money rapper. In other words, with a Birdman track, you know there will probably be Gucci mentioned, or gator shoes. Mannie has a little more versatility, but not much. Really, though, "All I Have In This World" sounds like Mannie Fresh ghostwrote the motherfucker. Avoid it if you don't like hearing about jeans... (which is actually mentioned in the second half of the official title, I just refuse to write it because it's FUCKING INANE!!!)
The album has all the makings of a formula hit: Scarface references every two songs, a million references to specific cars (Maybach and Benz), overly-epic beats with horns and shit, an appearance by T-Pain, at least one 2pac shout out, a track from DJ Khaled (where he makes himself sound stupid for about a minute), and an appearance by Lil Wayne (who compares himself to MLK... yes, THAT MLK... the one who was the Civil Rights leader and shot in '68). Apparently, that formula works.
Ross helps along some additions to the revised formula with help from the J.U.S.T.I.C.E. League, who have been on damn near everything for the past few years. Fun fact: the J.U.S.T.I.C.E. League is just as bad of a team as their namesake (just like they have a bunch of second-rate shitty superheroes and then fuckin' awesome Batman, the production group has a bunch of second-rate dollar-beats for every banger).
Recommended Tracks: "Trilla Intro".
Pros: - Jay-Z is on the album - Ignoring the lyrics, Rick Ross sounds good
Cons: - More of the same - More of the same - More of the same - Lil Wayne is on the album
- JabbaWockeeZ won America's Best Dance Crew. That is the only good news I have right now. - "Lollipop" by Lil Wayne is one of the top singles in America. Another single was released recently called "Lolli Lolli (Pop That Body)" by Three 6 Mafia. The song features a strikingly similar synth line with another motherfucker with a Roger Troutman voice-box that sounds strikingly similar to a second-rate T-Pain (who looks strikingly like a second-rate Lil Jon). Now, this could have been a coincidence in any other genre, but I doubt it in the current state of rap. There have been rumors of a remix of "Lollipop" with T-Pain in it, which is what the entire fucking song sounds like to begin with. And thus, the shit cycle comes full circle. - I was going to do a recurrent thing called "This Week in 50 Cent Beef"... but I got too tired after the first one.
Ludacris proudly holding his "Hip-Hop Autopsy Award" from last year and his stupid Grammy... he says he likes my award better.
Now to the festivities!
These awards are in no particular order because I'm indecisive. Narrowing it down wasn't that tough, though, because 2007 was filled with weak bullshit, (as you'll soon see).
Pharoahe Monch - "When The Gun Draws"
This song, in my opinion, has it all. An amazing, jarring beat that matches the theme of the song well and an interesting, changing flow that lets the lyrics progress naturally, rather than the artist obviously changing words to fit some syllabic structure. A poignant social commentary, without being too preachy. Nice work, Pharoahe!
Brother Ali - "Truth Is"
A really chill beat over what could be described as a edict or manifesto, rather than just a song. It's a call to everybody to demand more from artists, from politicians, from friends and family, and especially from themselves. Another powerfully crafted song from a powerful artist.
Rihanna - "Umbrella"
Rihanna's "Umbrella" wasn't something I was expecting to like, honestly. It's not something that us backpack rap kids like much. But this one took me by surprise. It came with a nice beat to dance to, a catchy hook, and that goddamn infectious "ella-ella-ella, ey-ey-ey."
Aesop Rock - "None Shall Pass"
Not the strongest beat in the world, but the turntables put off a great instrumental vibe, especially the vocal "I'm trying to help" sample. Those are the very nice touches that make Aesop's newest album what it is: awesome. This title track is just another mind-blowing track with wild lyrics and an impeccable flow.
Kanye West - "Can't Tell Me Nothin"
Yeah... the video is done by Zach Galifianakis and Will Oldham. Yeah, Kanye wanted them to do it. It's the official alternate video to the song.
There's the other video.
It's always interesting to hear rappers actually admit flaws. This is like a more intelligent, updated version of the classic "Mo Money, Mo Problems." The smooth production coupled with the fact that this is a mainstream single that isn't a club hit makes this a unique endeavor indeed. It's an amazing song for almost any setting, the music of it is enough to keep you paying attention without paying attention, but if you are listening for words, even the first lines of the first verse will show you the kind of interesting ideas Kanye has for this song.
Chamillionaire - "Hip Hop Police"
"Go, go, go, go, go, go, go"
Yeah, that will remind you of 50's "In Da Club" if you're not paying attention. As good of a single as that was, this one is better. Chamillionaire, the man who dropped "Ridin'," comes back with another intelligent single, but worded to keep his mainstream credibility and swagger with the likes of Snoop and The Game. And let's not forget the always amazing storytelling ability of Slick Rick, who appears on this track, (Chamillionaire had it right, if you're gonna tell a story, get the man who told "Children's Story").
Army of the Pharaohs - "Tear it Down"
From the first beat, you can tell this is underground. It's got the feel of a freestyle beat with three crazy emcees just spitting off the top. It reminds me of the best talent at Scribble Jam, just three dudes talking shit in a freestyle. Really creative, really free-flowing, and really authentic. It's more grimy and gutter than most rappers even claim to be, and the production quality reflects that beautifully.
Brother Ali - "Uncle Sam Goddamn"
Another Brother Ali track. I'm not against having two songs by the same artist, especially if they deserve it, (though I tried to keep it off of the 10 Worst list, because I like talking a lot of shit about different people).
This one is a lot more laid back sounding, from the jazzy, country-blues feel of the beat to Ali's vocals, which have that smooth sound like he's covering an amazingly intelligent Snoop song. The message hits just as hard as any Public Enemy song, though.
Chamillionaire - "Won't Let You Down (Texas Takeover Remix)"
This is one of the bigger songs, personnel-wise, featuring K-Ci, Slim Thug, Lil Keke, Mike Jones, Trae, Paul Wall, Bun B, Z-Ro, and the late Pimp C. It's got that clear down south anthem style and a covers a wide range of verbal styles and crazy amount of geography. Honestly, to me, Trae and Z-Ro really take this track with their completely different, but very similar flow styles. The whole of UGK is featured on this track showcasing why they are where they are as far as garnering respect in the rap world.
Apparently they're making an extended mix for download from Chamillionaire's official site which features EVEN MORE artists and is over fifteen minutes long! The roster for this massive mammoth of a song is: K-Ci, Slim Thug, Lil Keke, Mike Jones, trae, Paul Wall, Bun B, Z-Ro, Pimp C, Lil Flip, Rob G, Famous, Jayton, Slim Thug, Lil' O, Yung Redd, Big Pokey, ESG, Troublesum, PKT, Willie D, Corey Mo, GT, Chingo Bling, Magno, Yung Ro, Kiotti, Raw LT, Boss, Grit Boys, Big Mike, and Scarface. Can't fuckin wait, (especially if Scarface is showing up on the track)!
Kanye West - "Stronger"
This is it...
Kanye...
"Stronger."
You know it, you love it. It's infectious and dancy with a beat by Daft Punk, (but the bass is pumped up by Timbaland). There's not much to say about this song that hasn't already been said. It's amazing conceptually, lyrically, and aurally as a whole. It's innovative (though not as much as people are sucking Kanye's dick for, the electronica/rap thing has been done, he just did it in a Kanye way) and fun.
***
Now it's time for the Worst Singles of 2007! These will surly be pumped from radio stations ad nausem for the next year or two, because most people listen to shit, and most rap stations play shit all the time, (with a few exceptions). This was an extremely hard list to make because 2007 sucked... really badly. It wasn't hard to find songs, it was hard to narrow it down.
Lil Wayne accepting his "Lil Wayne Award"... he seems very happy with it, ironically. Maybe he doesn't quite grasp what it means.
Cassidy "My Drink N' My 2 Step"
Goddamnit I wish he would have died in that crash.
Another terrible single from the man that brought you "I'm a Hustla" which shows you that he can do better, but not much. The beat feels like a Kanye West throwaway, (that Swizz Beatz added terrible guitars over) and the flow feels so formulaic, especially when he repeats things over and over in the second verse. And the addition of Swizz's vocals only enhance how bad the song actually is, (memo to Mr. Beatz: stick to production... actually, you're kind of getting bad at that too). Yes, I know that you have your drink and your two step, your drink and your two step, your drink and your two step... too bad you drank too much and the key to a decent song was three steps away.
I wonder how many of these songs in the "worst" list have a chorus that simply repeats the title at least four times...?
Huey - "Pop Lock and Drop It"
Ooh! Another song that has a title about a type of dance! Here's another thing to keep track of... so far, we're at two.
The song is a predictable, boring, trite, pedestrian, club hit. Yeah, motherfuckers can dance to it. Keep it an instrumental then, people don't need you to tell them the steps to the song, this ain't the fuckin "Hokey Pokey."
I've said it once and I'll say it again, if you're a rapper with a club hit, you're nothing. You should just cut your entire check to the producer, because you mean exactly... dick.
And, oddly enough, for a song that talks about sex so much, and fucking girls that dance... there seems to be a few children in the video (yes, I just implied that Huey is a child molester). See also: my article on Child Exploitation.
Mims - "Like This"
Of course the video starts out with the "remember, I did this song" that seems to be commonplace for one hit wonders as a way to acknowledge how artistically lacking they actually are.
Isn't the first line pretty much a stolen Fergie line? "All my girls get down on the floor" versus "Good girls get down on the floor". Can he make a single without appropriating something? If you don't remember "This Is Why I'm Hot" has beats from "Jesus Walks," "Nothin' But A G Thang" and an E-40 song. Huey already talked about girls being upside-down, (actually, it's in "Pop Lock and Drop It," and since that single dropped before Mims' album did, I would suggest that Mims stole that too). Shit, even the "I" on the cover of Mims' album is being disputed (to the point where EMI is being sued by Universal) because the "I" looks like another rapper's "I."
There's a fine line between a respectful allusion, or flattery by imitation and plain theft... Mims knows this the way Carlos Mencia knows this.
As far as the declaration that he has the "top-10 number one ringtone"... well, number one is in the top-10 (he may be confused about how the numerical system works). Also, having the number one ringtone isn't necessarily something to be proud of. Larry the Cable Guy had a featured ringtone on V-Cast a few weeks ago that featured a rendition of "Jingle Bells" done in farts. And if a lot of people want only 28 seconds of your song, chances are, that might be how long they can stand you.
Talking about the success of another one of your songs in a song is probably a bad thing, Mims.
Also, this is number three for songs in the worst of the year that just have the title repeated over and over in the chorus.
Pretty Ricky - "Love Like Honey"
Pretty Ricky sucks, and no one in it is pretty. That's their first problem. Their second? No one is named Ricky.
Anyway, the title should warn the listener that it is going to be a cliche filled fun-fest. Think about an R&B version of 50 Cent's "Candy Shop" or "Amusement Park" (and if you didn't know that those were the same song, just by the titles alone... you should probably stop reading... actually you probably already stopped because you liked all the songs on the "worst" list... actually, you probably don't read anyway).
"Spectacular's" verse (I put his name in quotes because I almost feel like saying his name sarcastically) sounds like he's singing either from immense pain, or trying to sound hardcore (like any number of studio gangstas in the industry), or like he's taking a massive shit after being on a steady diet of melted cheese and no fiber. Yes, that's my first scatological jab at someone, but listen to the song, you'll agree.
"Pleasure's" singing of "I wanna do ya, do ya, do ya" is clearly ghostwritten by a twelve year old boy. He then croons "I wanna take it to the east, take it to the west, don't wanna go up north, 'cause down south is the best." This, clearly, means that he'd rather "take it" to your arms, rather than your face. "Tip Drill" anyone? Maybe, combined with the food references, the girl they're talking about is a "Butter face."
And what the fuck does "your love's like ice cream/sweet as a rose" mean? "Sweet as a rose"? Really? Someone wrote this on a piece of paper and no one went, "wait, this makes no sense." Or am I to believe that there's some rap fad that I haven't paid attention to where motherfuckers are eating foliage? Or is there some Ben and Jerry's flavor "Ridiculous Red Raspberry Roses" that I was unaware of? I'm not big on dessert foods, so this is the most plausible explanation.
Anyway, Pretty Ricky sucks. Next!
Rich Boy - "Throw Some D's"
The intro to the video has very little to do with the song.
Also, why would MTV blur out the "Cadillac" symbol, but let Rich Boy say it? That's really curious.
I think Rich Boy's looks like a cartoon version of an army Sargent, and oddly plastic, formed into a perfect square. His forehead extends past his eyebrows into his eyes for Christ sake! He's HIDEOUS! I did hear someone say that he looks like Robocop. I'm inclined to agree.
Aside from that, the beat to this song would be pretty good if Kanye or Jay-Z used it (specifically if Jay-Z used it on the "American Gangster" album), but they didn't, so we're left with a decent beat with lyrics that in no way carry the same feel. Either way, some of Rich Boy's shit makes very little sense, most of the time. "Got the damn top dropped two colored flip flopped/Candy red lollipop." Let's count how many colors there are to be "flip-flopped". Yes, that's one. Not "two colored, flip-flopped." Apparently, like Mims, Rich Boy wasn't paying attention in math class.
The song turns oddly wholesome when he starts talking about Peter Pan and peanut-butter ice cream. Again, keeping up that nonsensical style, but joining Pretty Ricky in some banter about dessert foods.
He does point out one thing in this song that is the scourge of music today, particularly rap: "I can't explain how I feel." If there's anything you can't artistically explain, stop doing music, and ESPECIALLY don't mention it in your song.
He mumbles too much and has an apparent allergy to vowels, pronunciation, and words with more than one syllable. The only person who beats him at this is Soulja Boy (who appears, not coincidentally, later on this list).
Shop Boyz - "Party Like A Rockstar"
If you wanna "Party Like A Rockstar," you should probably make a song that sounds like you're a rock star. Another case of the beat not matching the feel of the song. Frankly, the song is just lame... lame, lame, lame. There's no feel of authenticity, just an attempt to stretch the boundary of the genre into an area that was discovered back in the 80's. It's like as if Tony Blair set sail on the vast blue ocean to discover the uncharted New World of America.
Wicked discovery, Shop Boyz.
Soulja Boy - "Crank Dat"
Yet another "Hokey Pokey" style song. At the beginning of the song, he may as well be saying "I gah 'nutha formula fo' y'all call da Soulja Boy. Ya gotta think a title den repeat dat eight times."
This IS one track where the beat matches the song though: simple, primitive, and uninspired.
Of course, what would a rap formula be without "jockin on some haters," talking about money, fighting in the club, the occasional name brand plug and shameless self-promotion? He follows this shit to the book.
[I should make a note to repeat here that "hater" is probably the most ignorant, useless, piece-of-shit word in rap. It basically is a catch-all term that means "anyone that criticizes, disagrees, or dislikes someone or something" whether that critique, disagreement, or disdain is valid or not. Reminds me too much of Bush's "you're either with us or with the terrorists."]
The song makes sense insomuch as it makes sense within the vacuum of two lines of a rhyming couplet at a time, but those don't necessarily fit in the context of the rest of the song. It's like he had scraps of songs strewn about, and was just like "fuckit... I'll put them all together" and then loosely fitted them together between chantings of "I MEAN YOOOUUUUU! (Crank dat Soulja Boy!)"
Oh, let's not forget the formula of so many lines per verse, and the song structure of verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge-chorus. Inspired.
We only need one dance song per year. We got seventy this year. It gets fucking old. Let people dance how they want to instead of goose-stepping while you bark orders, okay?
And like I said before, he has an aversion to enunciation. I've heard the boy speak during interviews and promo things (one with 50 Cent where he was getting his hair cut) and he doesn't speak that badly. He's got an accent, but the mumbling, slurring, monosyllabic nonsense is just an act. He tries to sound stupid. And anyone that does that doesn't deserve money or influence because they just do stupid things with it.
Yung Joc - "Coffee Shop"
Anyone whose name could easily be mispronounced as "Young Joke" should probably change it.
The beat is stupid. It's childish and banal, so is the chorus. He's basically saying that theft rings are like coffee shops. A story about that wouldn't necessarily be bad, but, frankly, rap's mostly lost the storytelling talent. It's just a vague representation of what he does repeated with every line. It's like saying, "I walk, I saunter, I strut, I gait, I jaunt, I tread, I march, I parade, I pace, I step, I stride, I stroll, I tread". That's basically the entire song: "I steal shit, then people buy it from me" repeated over and over in different words. Slick Rick would roll over in his grave if he were dead.
T-Pain - "Buy You A Drank"
Yung Joke made the list twice with this song!!! Congrats! Now kill yourself.
I'm not sure if T-Pain ever leaves the club. He must eat, sleep, and shit there. Look at the evidence: "I'm N Luv Wit A Stripper" and "Bartender" are two of his other bigger hits. Maybe his albums are a concept album about being in the club. This is just the second portion of it, in which he's made his way from the pole down to the bartender, and now he's offering to buy a young woman a drink! It's a hip-hopera! Actually, they're all probably just shitty songs, completely independent of one another.
Within the first few seconds, he proves, once again, that he is simply a second rate Lil Jon. Lil Jon grows dreads and does production. T-Pain grows dreads and does production (only Lil Jon's is good, while T-Pain's is mediocre). Lil Jon makes a bad decision and starts to try and put his vocals on tracks. T-Pain makes the same bad decision. Lil Jon screams "Snap yo fingaz, do yo step, you can do it all by yo-self" where T-Pain croons it and sounds like an ass while he does it.
This song proves two other things: 1) Almost any song that mentions the beverage Patron should be avoided at all costs. 2) The only person that should use a talkbox that much is Roger Troutman, and he's dead. T-Pain just abuses it to cover up his lack of talent.
Now, what the fuck is up with little children appearing in rap videos with huge chains and acting all gangster? Just putting that thought out there.
Hurricane Chris "Ay Bay Bay" (a song that, I must admit, is a guilty pleasure):
50 Cent "I Get Money" (which says "This is hip-hop" on the LEDs on the screen... there's so much I could say about that):
Jibbs "Chain Hang Low" (Do yo' chain hang low, do it wobble to the floo'/Is your stupid little song/Taken from a minsterel show?// Jibbs even later admitted he didn't know the origins of the song... for fuck sake, at least pretend you have an intellect and say that you were being ironic!):
DJ Webstar "Chicken Noodle Soup" (Even though Jibbs unknowingly put the tune to a blackface song in his shit, THIS is easily one of the most ignorant songs in hip-hop today):
All I'm sayin is that children are becoming the new "big booty bitches" of hip-hop.
Soulja Boy: One Pair of Sunglasses, Just As Many Rap Formulas.
The album starts out with a bad Pinky and the Brain reference, and progressively gets more immature from there. Within ten seconds of the album, there's some rhythm problems, and thus is the quality of the production throughout the album.
To be quite honest, on my first listen, I only got through the intro, (aptly named "Intro" to really show how innovative Soulja Boy is), "Crank Dat" (which has all the inspirational power of "The Chicken Dance," "The Electric Slide," or "Macarena"), and part of "Sidekick" (which is as timeless as Air Force Ones, take your pick if you want that to be a shoe or song reference... speaking of which "Bapes" is on the album too). After those three songs, I threw my headphones out of my ear and screamed.
I'm... not... joking.
Anyway, I decided to do my job after that small breakdown.
Not including the intro, it took me one and one-half songs to figure out the patented Soulja Boy formula. An intro which features Soulja Boy blabbing on about nothing eight or sixteen lines for a verse, eight lines for a chorus (which generally consists of the title being repeated over and over), another verse, chorus, either a verse or a bridge (which generally consists of rehashing lines from the song, or saying the title in a different way), then we have some kind of outro where he jabbers on.
By the time I got to "Bapes" I thought the chorus was just going to be Soulja Boy saying "Bapes, Bapes, Bapes, Bapes, Bapes, Bapes, Bapes, Bapes!" This wasn't far from the truth (it was actually "I got me some Bapes today" SIXTEEN TIMES!).
For those of you that don't know, I present... Bapes:
Bapes: The New Crocs, Only Less Comfortable.
By this point, I got a headache, and decided to take a nap.
Throughout the album, I wondered how most of the songs could be translated to a live setting. With the exception of "Let Me Get Em" and "Crank Dat", they can't. The lyrics never have the commanding spirit of even 50 Cent's first album. The beats rarely get past a poor MIDI impression of a real beat, particularly on "Donk" which could have been made entirely on any MIDI sequencer. This isn't to say that a local emcee with a drum machine can't do a great show, (I've seen a duo named Elephant Switchblade have a great show bringing a drum machine on stage with them and putting it up to a mic). There's very little way, though, that the lyrics can be said in any possibly exciting way.
But I digress. The album sucks. Don't buy it.
If you're tempted, remember that he is a man that thinks that this is taste: Do you really support this?
I know this isn't REALLY rap news, but considering who Trent's worked with, (Puffy, Zach de la Rocha, El-P, Saul Williams, and NERD, among others), it seems to be pretty prevalent to everyone, everywhere, in music.
Trent Reznor, on NIN.com stated that, "I've waited a LONG time to be able to be able to make the following announcement: as of right now Nine Inch Nails is a totally free agent... it gives me great pleasure to be able to finally have a direct relationship with the audience as I see fit."
For those of you that pay attention to the world outside of rap, Radiohead has recently dropped their label and released a self-distributed album. Radiohead also lets fans name their own price for the album on their website.
Maybe if rap did the same thing, we'd get variation on the radio. :-)
So, here's my commentary portion: all the rich rappers who think they're so talented need to put their money where their mouth is and drop their labels, self-distribute, and lets see talent face off against the bullshit. Dig?
Actually, that wasn't the sound at all outside of the jail where Lil' Wayne was held. People protested as bad as they did for Michael Jackson.
He got the Paris Hilton treatment and was out later that day.
The charges were regarding a missed court date in 2006 where Wayne was found with marijuana and 100 Xanex and hydrocodone pills.
His lawyer shone light into why Wayne was so "bankable" in his comments about the case, "He's never missed a court date or any professional obligation. That's why Wayne is so bankable."
So that's why? Well, I guess that gets part of it down. Now we have to figure out the talent area, because no matter how much the guy shows up, you're not gonna keep around a janitor that shits on the floor.
Wu-Tang Clan ain't nuthin' to fuck with, and they showed it by securing a deal for a sample of the Beatles' "As My Guitar Gently Weeps". The song it is featured on (as well as a possible performance by Erykah Badu?) will be on their upcoming album 8 Diagrams. For those of you who don't know the magnitude of this, this is the FIRST EVER legal Beatles sample, (no, Dangermouse's "Gray Album" wasn't legal... good, yes; legal, no). The album is set to drop in early December.
Del Tha Funkee Homosapien has signed to Def Jux records, (El-P's label that also features Aesop Rock who has a new album. Pick that shit up). He's also delayed his much-anticipated solo album, entitled 11th Hour for a 2008 release date.
Upon the second week of their "feud". Kanye and 50's record sales PLUMMETED. Kanye's Graduation sold 226,000 copies in the second week, (compared to the 957,000 sold the first week). Curtis sold a mediocre 691,000 that first week and dropped to a meager 143,000 copies in the second week. Quick trivia: The Massacre sold 1,100,000 in the first week. Late Registration sold 860,000 in its first week. Looks like Kanye's on the rise and 50 is rap's little Icarus.
Busta Rhymes has decided to fight four trials at once, two for assaults, and two for vehicular offenses, (drunk driving and driving with a suspended license). He recently rejected a plea deal that would have landed him only a year in prison for all four charges.
Well... say "hi" to Mystikal for me.
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Master P is making another movie: "Black Supaman". It's about a guy from the ghetto (really, Master P making a movie about the ghetto?...), who smokes weed (...and weed too?!), and wears red tights. Almost as creative a concept as me doing this:
All this is coming after he talked about uplifting people and being part of solution in response to 50 Cent's jab on BET, (which I posted earlier, actually). If by uplifting you mean:
...then I suppose you got it, P.
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Multi-platinum group Outkast have given some hints as to what their collective future holds.
Andre 3000 has gone on record saying that there WILL be a new Outkast record, (collective sigh of relief)... but it may have to wait at least two years (disappointed gasp)... but Big Boi and Andre are doing solo albums (collective sigh of relief)... but there's no word on when (disappointed gasp).
Between his seemingly endless amount of guest spots on other songs, (with Lloyd, Devin the Dude, Rich Boy, UGK, Q-Tip and Unk) Andre had this to say to MTV.com about his solo album: "Really, I gotta find out what I'm tryin' to say," he said. "It's almost like a picnic — you call your auntie and say, 'You bringin' some greens? Yeah? OK, I'm not gonna bring any greens.' I gotta find out what I gotta cook up. But to quote James Brown, 'Whatever it is, it's got to be funky.'"
Big Boi hasn't been keeping out of the spotlight either, with appearances with Diddy, Sleepy Brown, Bubba Sparxxx, Rich Boy, Gorilla Zoe, Lloyd and Fantasia, as well as making an album with DJ Ideal (Da Bottom, Vol. 7) as well as roles in the movies A.T.L. and Who's Your Caddy?. Apparently, in addition to that, he's working on an unnamed piece with Purp that will be performed, (this'll blow your mind...), ON STAGE in April '08.
His new album promises to be "something from every genre". He currently has around 35 beats laid down for it, and is writing/mixing vocals as we speak. It slated for late 2007, that is, unless "they keep pulling me back and forth with these movies".
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Unless you've been living under a rock, you know T.I.'s new album dropped, T.I. Vs. T.I.P.. Despite claims that he'd have the "album of the year" it's only moved around 750,000 units.
