Child Exploitation Hip-Hop Style

Now, what the fuck is up with little children appearing in rap videos with huge chains and acting all gangster? Just putting that thought out there.

Hurricane Chris "Ay Bay Bay" (a song that, I must admit, is a guilty pleasure):


50 Cent "I Get Money" (which says "This is hip-hop" on the LEDs on the screen... there's so much I could say about that):


Jibbs "Chain Hang Low" (Do yo' chain hang low, do it wobble to the floo'/Is your stupid little song/Taken from a minsterel show?// Jibbs even later admitted he didn't know the origins of the song... for fuck sake, at least pretend you have an intellect and say that you were being ironic!):


DJ Webstar "Chicken Noodle Soup" (Even though Jibbs unknowingly put the tune to a blackface song in his shit, THIS is easily one of the most ignorant songs in hip-hop today):


All I'm sayin is that children are becoming the new "big booty bitches" of hip-hop.

Soulja Boy - "Soulja Boy Tell 'Em" Review

Soulja Boy: One Pair of Sunglasses, Just As Many Rap Formulas.

The album starts out with a bad Pinky and the Brain reference, and progressively gets more immature from there. Within ten seconds of the album, there's some rhythm problems, and thus is the quality of the production throughout the album.

To be quite honest, on my first listen, I only got through the intro, (aptly named "Intro" to really show how innovative Soulja Boy is), "Crank Dat" (which has all the inspirational power of "The Chicken Dance," "The Electric Slide," or "Macarena"), and part of "Sidekick" (which is as timeless as Air Force Ones, take your pick if you want that to be a shoe or song reference... speaking of which "Bapes" is on the album too). After those three songs, I threw my headphones out of my ear and screamed.

I'm... not... joking.

Anyway, I decided to do my job after that small breakdown.

Not including the intro, it took me one and one-half songs to figure out the patented Soulja Boy formula. An intro which features Soulja Boy blabbing on about nothing eight or sixteen lines for a verse, eight lines for a chorus (which generally consists of the title being repeated over and over), another verse, chorus, either a verse or a bridge (which generally consists of rehashing lines from the song, or saying the title in a different way), then we have some kind of outro where he jabbers on.

By the time I got to "Bapes" I thought the chorus was just going to be Soulja Boy saying "Bapes, Bapes, Bapes, Bapes, Bapes, Bapes, Bapes, Bapes!" This wasn't far from the truth (it was actually "I got me some Bapes today" SIXTEEN TIMES!).

For those of you that don't know, I present... Bapes:

Bapes: The New Crocs, Only Less Comfortable.

By this point, I got a headache, and decided to take a nap.

Throughout the album, I wondered how most of the songs could be translated to a live setting. With the exception of "Let Me Get Em" and "Crank Dat", they can't. The lyrics never have the commanding spirit of even 50 Cent's first album. The beats rarely get past a poor MIDI impression of a real beat, particularly on "Donk" which could have been made entirely on any MIDI sequencer. This isn't to say that a local emcee with a drum machine can't do a great show, (I've seen a duo named Elephant Switchblade have a great show bringing a drum machine on stage with them and putting it up to a mic). There's very little way, though, that the lyrics can be said in any possibly exciting way.

But I digress. The album sucks. Don't buy it.

If you're tempted, remember that he is a man that thinks that this is taste:

Do you really support this?

He also put this in a song:
A clip from "Soulja Girl" (as if you didn't see that title coming).

Free Agent: Trent Reznor

I know this isn't REALLY rap news, but considering who Trent's worked with, (Puffy, Zach de la Rocha, El-P, Saul Williams, and NERD, among others), it seems to be pretty prevalent to everyone, everywhere, in music.

Trent Reznor, on NIN.com stated that, "I've waited a LONG time to be able to be able to make the following announcement: as of right now Nine Inch Nails is a totally free agent... it gives me great pleasure to be able to finally have a direct relationship with the audience as I see fit."

For those of you that pay attention to the world outside of rap, Radiohead has recently dropped their label and released a self-distributed album. Radiohead also lets fans name their own price for the album on their website.

Maybe if rap did the same thing, we'd get variation on the radio. :-)

So, here's my commentary portion: all the rich rappers who think they're so talented need to put their money where their mouth is and drop their labels, self-distribute, and lets see talent face off against the bullshit. Dig?

Lil Wayne ARRESTED!

*waits as the eruption of cheers subsides*

Actually, that wasn't the sound at all outside of the jail where Lil' Wayne was held. People protested as bad as they did for Michael Jackson.



He got the Paris Hilton treatment and was out later that day.



The charges were regarding a missed court date in 2006 where Wayne was found with marijuana and 100 Xanex and hydrocodone pills.



His lawyer shone light into why Wayne was so "bankable" in his comments about the case, "He's never missed a court date or any professional obligation. That's why Wayne is so bankable."

So that's why? Well, I guess that gets part of it down. Now we have to figure out the talent area, because no matter how much the guy shows up, you're not gonna keep around a janitor that shits on the floor.

Walkin' Out, Steppin' Up, and Other Such Phrases

Wu-Tang Clan ain't nuthin' to fuck with, and they showed it by securing a deal for a sample of the Beatles' "As My Guitar Gently Weeps". The song it is featured on (as well as a possible performance by Erykah Badu?) will be on their upcoming album 8 Diagrams. For those of you who don't know the magnitude of this, this is the FIRST EVER legal Beatles sample, (no, Dangermouse's "Gray Album" wasn't legal... good, yes; legal, no). The album is set to drop in early December.




Del Tha Funkee Homosapien has signed to Def Jux records, (El-P's label that also features Aesop Rock who has a new album. Pick that shit up). He's also delayed his much-anticipated solo album, entitled 11th Hour for a 2008 release date.




Upon the second week of their "feud". Kanye and 50's record sales PLUMMETED. Kanye's Graduation sold 226,000 copies in the second week, (compared to the 957,000 sold the first week). Curtis sold a mediocre 691,000 that first week and dropped to a meager 143,000 copies in the second week. Quick trivia: The Massacre sold 1,100,000 in the first week. Late Registration sold 860,000 in its first week. Looks like Kanye's on the rise and 50 is rap's little Icarus.




Dr. Dre's Detox is delayed AGAIN! Wow... surprise, surprise. As for Eminem, they're three songs away from delivering the "retired" rapper's newest effort. Boy, another rapper that goes into retirement only to come out. Unpredictable... or something.